Idol 3 Strikes : Week 15 "Lalochezia"

[marlawentmad]

My mouth became a swinging door, like
those saloons in old movies,
in which my reckless inner thoughts stumble
in and out,
back and forth
easily.

A deluge of swear words fill my headspace as
I remember what I forgot, forgot what
I thought I remembered, lose
my step in time, and slam
my knee off the desk
again.

I used to keep my mouth shut like a
steel trap, my eyes watering
with the pressure of
the vile things I left
unsaid, my cheeks burning
with the shame I carried when
I was sure my grandmother’s god
could hear my every thought, and thus knew
what sort of horrible wretch I was
for feeling such uncharitable thoughts.

It’s strange how those old fears cling
even after you bury the bones
of those old beliefs,
along with the bodies
of the people who instilled
them into your pliable child self, who still
stamps her foot,
yelling curses
in triumph, waving
her little fists in the
strong breeze of
revolutionary disobedience.

Nice girls don’t curse, so
I treat everyone kindly, but
I also say fuck a lot
to keep everyone honest.

Comments

[banana_galaxy]

I don't think I've ever worried about some higher power being able to read my thoughts, but I liken that experience to a fear I used to carry with me about my mother's ghost watching me and judging my choices. And I still feel like I shouldn't do anything behind closed doors/in private that I would be scared to have people find out about me.

[erulissedances]

So many thoughts here, and yes, the final two lines are my life personified. LOL

- Erulisse (one L)

[bleodswean]

I always marvel at how you instill HUGE stories filled out to bursting with character and scene into these small compact spaces. It's crazy good and I love your gift!

[drippedonpaper]

It's definitely "strange how those old fears cling." I struggle with this too.

I'm glad you have found your balance between kindness and honesty. I do believe it's important to be authentic!

I do agree with you, letting words out can truly relieve pressure!

[roina_arwen]

That last stanza is pretty much me in a nutshell, although I’m more likely to say damn or hell, lol!

[ofearthandstars]

Oooh, I really do relate to this one. Especially even after you bury the bones / of those old beliefs . It's hard to erase those old lessons from your own bones.

[d0gs.livejournal.com]

Echoing bleodswean on this: I always marvel at how you instill HUGE stories filled out to bursting with character and scene into these small compact spaces. You pack such strong imagery and say so much with your verses. This was great. Especially loved this part:
waving
her little fists in the
strong breeze of
revolutionary disobedience.

[mollywheezy]

Great poem! I especially liked the ending. ;)

[dadi]

Revolutionary disobedience! That was me too :)

[itismeangied]

I love this, the description of the saloon doors and your grandmother's distaste for cursing. It's funny how things stick with is and also make us defiant. Fuck is a right godammit!!