Idol 3 Strikes : Week 23 "Yips"

[marlawentmad]

Sweet lizard had her belly to the ground
to feel the first rumbling of things
which have not yet come, but are just
out of sight, threatening.

Her rattle and hiss are early warnings
to a larger community of distracted busy-
bodies who do not heed her insistence, so
she sinks her fangs in and waits for the
attention to turn.

The initial shock aches and stings, but the mind
is a tricky ally to get a hold of,
the body is tended to at first.
The strange tingling down an arm,
a numbness that spreads down one side,
a tightening of the chest, and an unexpected
discoordination that makes the whole
beast lumber to and fro, bewildered and
panting.

The mind raced from one solution to the next,
instead of finding the eye of the storm deep
in the hollows of its body’s wide forest where the
snake waits to tell her story about what it is that
she is afraid of, and
the ways in which she
knows how to
protect.

Comments

[ofearthandstars]

Your third and fourth stanzas are really powerful here - the third captures effortlessly the snakebite, but the fourth really redirects us to your protagonist and brings it all home. I love how you set up how she "waits for the attention to turn" and "waits to tell her story" to reframe the entire interaction.

[marlawentmad]

Thank you so much for reading and for the thoughtful feedback. I struggled with that third stanza, so I am pleased to hear it was successful for you. I went meta with the prompt. I just kept thinking about how intelligent our bodies are, and how loud they can be when we're not listening closely to its wisdom.

[bleodswean]

Yowza, T. This is an entire novel in one small poem. I do not know how you make this magic.

[marlawentmad]

Your praise is a high honor. Thank you so much for your kind attention. I'll admit this was a tricky prompt for me, it took me a while to find the thread, but once I got a hold of an end, I was too happy to follow it down this pathway. I've been thinking about how our body tells us so many important things, and how stubborn our egos are about listening even though it is in our best interest.

[dadi]

This is bewildering, fascinating and unusual!

[marlawentmad]

I gladly accept and honor those adjectives!

[gunwithoutmusic]

I love the way your poetry feels. This one took me some time because I wanted to re-read it a few times - the first I kind of just let it wash over me, and then later I go back to really dig at it.

I like the shift in the third stanza - it was very sudden but not at all jarring; the whole thing felt like it flowed (or slithered along, as it were) from end to end.

Definitely not something I was expecting out of this prompt, but it worked really well. :)

[marlawentmad]

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback! I'm pleased to deliver the unexpected. I am really honored you took the time to sink into my piece. I am pleased the shift worked for you. I kept thinking of the way the body will take you out of your routine, your habit, your thoughts, when you aren't paying attention to something your nervous system is screaming about.